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Enter LEONATO and his brother [ANTONIO].
ANTONIO
1 If you go on thus, you will kill yourself:
2 And 'tis not wisdom thus to second grief
3 Against yourself.
LEONATO
3 I pray thee, cease thy counsel,
4 Which falls into mine ears as profitless
5 As water in a sieve: give not me counsel;
6 Nor let no comforter delight mine ear
7 But such a one whose wrongs do suit with mine.
8 Bring me a father that so loved his child,
9 Whose joy of her is overwhelm'd like mine,
10 And bid him speak of patience;
11 Measure his woe the length and breadth of mine
12 And let it answer every strain for strain,
13 As thus for thus and such a grief for such,
14 In every lineament, branch, shape, and form:
15 If such a one will smile and stroke his beard,
16 Bid sorrow wag, cry 'hem!' when he should groan,
17 Patch grief with proverbs, make misfortune drunk
18 With candle-wasters; bring him yet to me,
19 And I of him will gather patience.
20 But there is no such man: for, brother, men
21 Can counsel and speak comfort to that grief
22 Which they themselves not feel; but, tasting it,
23 Their counsel turns to passion, which before
24 Would give preceptial medicine to rage,
25 Fetter strong madness in a silken thread,
26 Charm ache with air and agony with words:
27 No, no; 'tis all men's office to speak patience
28 To those that wring under the load of sorrow,
29 But no man's virtue nor sufficiency
30 To be so moral when he shall endure
31 The like himself. Therefore give me no counsel:
32 My griefs cry louder than advertisement.
ANTONIO
33 Therein do men from children nothing differ.
LEONATO
34 I pray thee, peace. I will be flesh and blood;
35 For there was never yet philosopher
36 That could endure the toothache patiently,
37 However they have writ the style of gods
38 And made a push at chance and sufferance.
ANTONIO
39 Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself;
40 Make those that do offend you suffer too.
LEONATO
41 There thou speak'st reason: nay, I will do so.
42 My soul doth tell me Hero is belied;
43 And that shall Claudio know; so shall the prince
44 And all of them that thus dishonor her.
Enter Prince [DON PEDRO] and CLAUDIO.
ANTONIO
45 Here comes the prince and Claudio hastily.
DON PEDRO
46 Good den, good den.
CLAUDIO
46 Good day to both of you.
LEONATO
47 Hear you. my lords,—
DON PEDRO
47 We have some haste, Leonato.
LEONATO
48 Some haste, my lord! well, fare you well, my lord:
49 Are you so hasty now? well, all is one.
DON PEDRO
50 Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old man.
ANTONIO
51 If he could right himself with quarreling,
52 Some of us would lie low.
LEONATO
53 Marry, thou dost wrong me; thou dissembler, thou:—
54 Nay, never lay thy hand upon thy sword;
55 I fear thee not.
CLAUDIO
55 Marry, beshrew my hand,
56 If it should give your age such cause of fear:
57 In faith, my hand meant nothing to my sword.
LEONATO
58 Tush, tush, man; never fleer and jest at me:
59 I speak not like a dotard nor a fool,
60 As under privilege of age to brag
61 What I have done being young, or what would do
62 Were I not old. Know, Claudio, to thy head,
63 Thou hast so wrong'd mine innocent child and me
64 That I am forced to lay my reverence by
65 And, with grey hairs and bruise of many days,
66 Do challenge thee to trial of a man.
67 I say thou hast belied mine innocent child;
68 Thy slander hath gone through and through her heart,
69 And she lies buried with her ancestors;
70 O, in a tomb where never scandal slept,
71 Save this of hers, framed by thy villany!
LEONATO
72 Thine, Claudio; thine, I say.
DON PEDRO
73 You say not right, old man.
LEONATO
73 My lord, my lord,
74 I'll prove it on his body, if he dare,
75 Despite his nice fence and his active practise,
76 His May of youth and bloom of lustihood.
CLAUDIO
77 Away! I will not have to do with you.
LEONATO
78 Canst thou so daff me? Thou hast kill'd my child:
79 If thou kill'st me, boy, thou shalt kill a man.
ANTONIO
80 He shall kill two of us, and men indeed:
81 But that's no matter; let him kill one first;
82 Win me and wear me; let him answer me.
83 Come, follow me, boy; come, sir boy, come, follow me:
84 Sir boy, I'll whip you from your foining fence;
85 Nay, as I am a gentleman, I will.
ANTONIO
87 Content yourself. God knows I loved my niece;
88 And she is dead, slander'd to death by villains,
89 That dare as well answer a man indeed
90 As I dare take a serpent by the tongue:
91 Boys, apes, braggarts, Jacks, milksops!
ANTONIO
92 Hold you content. What, man! I know them, yea,
93 And what they weigh, even to the utmost scruple,—
94 Scambling, out-facing, fashion-monging boys,
95 That lie and cog and flout, deprave and slander,
96 Go anticly, show outward hideousness,
97 And speak off half a dozen dang'rous words,
98 How they might hurt their enemies, if they durst;
99 And this is all.
LEONATO
100 But, brother Antony,—
ANTONIO
100 Come, 'tis no matter:
101 Do not you meddle; let me deal in this.
DON PEDRO
102 Gentlemen both, we will not wake your patience.
103 My heart is sorry for your daughter's death:
104 But, on my honor, she was charged with nothing
105 But what was true and very full of proof.
LEONATO
106 My lord, my lord,—
DON PEDRO
107 I will not hear you.
LEONATO
108 No? Come, brother; away! I will be heard.
ANTONIO
109 And shall, or some of us will smart for it.
*** Exeunt ambo [LEONATO and ANTONIO].
DON PEDRO
110 See, see; here comes the man we went to seek.
CLAUDIO
111 Now, signior, what news?
BENEDICK
112 Good day, my lord.
DON PEDRO
113 Welcome, signior: you are almost come to part
114 almost a fray.
CLAUDIO
115 We had like to have had our two noses snapped
116 off with two old men without teeth.
DON PEDRO
117 Leonato and his brother. What thinkest thou?
118 Had we fought, I doubt we should have been
119 too young for them.
BENEDICK
120 In a false quarrel there is no true valour. I came
121 to seek you both.
CLAUDIO
122 We have been up and down to seek thee; for we
123 are high-proof melancholy and would fain have
124 it beaten away. Wilt thou use thy wit?
BENEDICK
125 It is in my scabbard: shall I draw it?
DON PEDRO
126 Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side?
CLAUDIO
127 Never any did so, though very many have been
128 beside their wit. I will bid thee draw, as we do
129 the minstrels; draw, to pleasure us.
DON PEDRO
130 As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Art thou
131 sick, or angry?
CLAUDIO
132 What, courage, man! What though care killed
133 a cat, thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill
134 care.
BENEDICK
135 Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career, and you
136 charge it against me. I pray you choose another
137 subject.
CLAUDIO
138 Nay, then, give him another staff: this last was
139 broke cross.
DON PEDRO
140 By this light, he changes more and more: I think
141 he be angry indeed.
CLAUDIO
142 If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle.
BENEDICK
143 Shall I speak a word in your ear?
CLAUDIO
144 God bless me from a challenge!
BENEDICK [Aside to Claudio.]
145 You are a villain; I jest not: I will make
146 it good how you dare, with what you
147 dare, and when you dare. Do me right,
148 or I will protest your cowardice. You have
149 killed a sweet lady, and her death shall fall
150 heavy on you. Let me hear from you.
CLAUDIO
151 Well, I will meet you, so I may have good
152 cheer.
DON PEDRO
153 What, a feast, a feast?
CLAUDIO
154 I' faith, I thank him; he hath bid me to a calf's
155 head and a capon; the which if I do not carve
156 most curiously, say my knife's naught. Shall I
157 not find a woodcock too?
BENEDICK
158 Sir, your wit ambles well; it goes easily.
DON PEDRO
159 I'll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit
160 the other day. I said, thou hadst a fine wit:
161 'True', said she, 'a fine little one'. 'No', said I,
162 'a great wit': 'Right', says she, 'a great gross
163 one'. 'Nay', said I, 'a good wit': 'Just', said
164 she, 'it hurts nobody'. 'Nay', said I, 'the
165 gentleman is wise': 'Certain', said she, 'a wise
166 gentleman'. 'Nay', said I, 'he hath the tongues':
167 'That I believe', said she, 'for he swore a thing
168 to me on Monday night, which he forswore on
169 Tuesday morning; there's a double tongue; there's
170 two tongues'. Thus did she, an hour together,
171 trans-shape thy particular virtues: yet at last she
172 concluded with a sigh, thou wast the properest
173 man in Italy.
CLAUDIO
174 For the which she wept heartily and said she cared
175 not.
DON PEDRO
176 Yea, that she did: but yet, for all that, an if she
177 did not hate him deadly, she would love him dearly:
178 the old man's daughter told us all.
CLAUDIO
179 All, all; and, moreover, God saw him when he was
180 hid in the garden.
DON PEDRO
181 But when shall we set the savage bull's horns on
182 the sensible Benedick's head?
CLAUDIO
183 Yea, and text underneath, 'Here dwells Benedick the
184 married man'?
BENEDICK
185 Fare you well, boy: you know my mind. I will leave
186 you now to your gossip-like humour: you break jests
187 as braggarts do their blades, which God be thanked,
188 hurt not. My lord, for your many courtesies I thank
189 you: I must discontinue your company: your brother
190 the bastard is fled from Messina: you have among
191 you killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my Lord
192 Lackbeard there, he and I shall meet: and, till
193 then, peace be with him.
DON PEDRO
194 He is in earnest.
CLAUDIO
195 In most profound earnest; and, I'll warrant you,
196 for the love of Beatrice.
DON PEDRO
197 And hath challenged thee.
DON PEDRO
199 What a pretty thing man is when he goes in
200 his doublet and hose and leaves off his wit!
Enter Constables [DOGBERRY and
VERGES, and the WATCH with]
CONRADE and BORACHIO.
CLAUDIO
201 He is then a giant to an ape; but then is an ape
202 a doctor to such a man.
DON PEDRO
203 But, soft you, let me be: pluck up, my heart,
204 and be sad. Did he not say, my brother was
205 fled?
DOGBERRY
206 Come you, sir: if justice cannot tame you, she
207 shall ne'er weigh more reasons in her balance:
208 nay, an you be a cursing hypocrite once, you
209 must be look'd to.
DON PEDRO
210 How now? two of my brother's men
211 bound! Borachio one!
CLAUDIO
212 Hearken after their offence, my lord.
DON PEDRO
213 Officers, what offence have these men
214 done?
DOGBERRY
215 Marry, sir, they have committed false report;
216 moreover, they have spoken untruths; secondarily,
217 they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they have
218 belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust
219 things; and, to conclude, they are lying knaves.
DON PEDRO
220 First, I ask thee what they have done; thirdly, I
221 ask thee what's their offence; sixth and lastly,
222 why they are committed; and, to conclude, what
223 you lay to their charge.
CLAUDIO
224 Rightly reasoned, and in his own division: and,
225 by my troth, there's one meaning well suited.
DON PEDRO
226 Who have you offended, masters, that you
227 are thus bound to your answer? this learned
228 constable is too cunning to be understood:
229 what's your offence?
BORACHIO
230 Sweet prince, let me go no farther to mine answer:
231 do you hear me, and let this count kill me. I have
232 deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms
233 could not discover, these shallow fools have brought
234 to light: who in the night overheard me confessing
235 to this man how Don John your brother incensed me
236 to slander the Lady Hero, how you were brought into
237 the orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero's
238 garments, how you disgraced her, when you should
239 marry her: my villany they have upon record; which
240 I had rather seal with my death than repeat over
241 to my shame. The lady is dead upon mine and my
242 master's false accusation; and, briefly, I desire
243 nothing but the reward of a villain.
DON PEDRO
244 Runs not this speech like iron through
245 your blood?
CLAUDIO
246 I have drunk poison whiles he utter'd it.
DON PEDRO
247 But did my brother set thee on to this?
BORACHIO
248 Yea, and paid me richly for the practice of it.
DON PEDRO
249 He is composed and framed of treachery:
250 And fled he is upon this villany.
CLAUDIO
251 Sweet Hero! now thy image doth appear
252 In the rare semblance that I loved it first.
DOGBERRY
253 Come, bring away the plaintiffs: by this time
254 our sexton hath reformed Signior Leonato of
255 the matter: and, masters, do not forget to specify,
256 when time and place shall serve, that I am an ass.
VERGES
257 Here, here comes master Signior Leonato, and
258 the Sexton too.
Enter LEONATO, his brother [ANTONIO],
with the SEXTON.
LEONATO
259 Which is the villain? let me see his eyes,
260 That, when I note another man like him,
261 I may avoid him: which of these is he?
BORACHIO
262 If you would know your wronger, look on me.
LEONATO
263 Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast kill'd
264 Mine innocent child?
BORACHIO
264 Yea, even I alone.
LEONATO
265 No, not so, villain; thou beliest thyself:
266 Here stand a pair of honorable men;
267 A third is fled, that had a hand in it.
268 I thank you, princes, for my daughter's death:
269 Record it with your high and worthy deeds:
270 'Twas bravely done, if you bethink you of it.
CLAUDIO
271 I know not how to pray your patience;
272 Yet I must speak. Choose your revenge yourself;
273 Impose me to what penance your invention
274 Can lay upon my sin: yet sinn'd I not
275 But in mistaking.
DON PEDRO
275 By my soul, nor I:
276 And yet, to satisfy this good old man,
277 I would bend under any heavy weight
278 That he'll enjoin me to.
LEONATO
279 I cannot bid you bid my daughter live;
280 That were impossible: but, I pray you both,
281 Possess the people in Messina here
282 How innocent she died; and if your love
283 Can labour aught in sad invention,
284 Hang her an epitaph upon her tomb
285 And sing it to her bones, sing it tonight:
286 Tomorrow morning come you to my house,
287 And since you could not be my son-in-law,
288 Be yet my nephew: my brother hath a daughter,
289 Almost the copy of my child that's dead,
290 And she alone is heir to both of us:
291 Give her the right you should have given her cousin,
292 And so dies my revenge.
CLAUDIO
292 O noble sir,
293 Your over-kindness doth wring tears from me!
294 I do embrace your offer; and dispose
295 For henceforth of poor Claudio.
LEONATO
296 Tomorrow then I will expect your coming;
297 tonight I take my leave. This naughty man
298 Shall face to face be brought to Margaret,
299 Who I believe was pack'd in all this wrong,
300 Hired to it by your brother.
BORACHIO
300 No, by my soul, she was not,
301 Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me,
302 But always hath been just and virtuous
303 In any thing that I do know by her.
DOGBERRY
304 Moreover, sir, which indeed is not under white
305 and black, this plaintiff here, the offender, did
306 call me ass: I beseech you, let it be remembered
307 in his punishment. And also, the watch heard
308 them talk of one Deformed: they say be wears a
309 key in his ear and a lock hanging by it, and borrows
310 money in God's name, the which he hath used so
311 long and never paid that now men grow hard-hearted
312 and will lend nothing for God's sake: pray you,
313 examine him upon that point.
LEONATO
314 I thank thee for thy care and honest pains.
DOGBERRY
315 Your worship speaks like a most thankful and
316 reverend youth; and I praise God for you.
LEONATO [Giving Dogberry a tip.]
317 There's for thy pains.
DOGBERRY
318 God save the foundation!
LEONATO
319 Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I
320 thank thee.
DOGBERRY
321 I leave an arrant knave with your worship;
322 which I beseech your worship to correct yourself,
323 for the example of others. God keep your worship!
324 I wish your worship well; God restore you to health!
325 I humbly give you leave to depart; and if a merry
326 meeting may be wished, God prohibit it! Come,
327 neighbor.
LEONATO
328 Until tomorrow morning, lords, farewell.
ANTONIO
329 Farewell, my lords: we look for you tomorrow.
DON PEDRO
330 We will not fail.
CLAUDIO
330 Tonight I'll mourn with Hero.
LEONATO [To the Watch.]
331 Bring you these fellows on. We'll talk with Margaret,
332 How her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow.
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