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Enter the Constables [DOGBERRY and
VERGES] and the Town Clerk [or SEXTON]
* in gowns, [and the WATCH with CONRADE
and] BORACHIO.
DOGBERRY
1 Is our whole dissembly appeared?
VERGES
2 O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
Sexton
3 Which be the malefactors?
DOGBERRY
4 Marry, that am I and my partner.
VERGES
5 Nay, that's certain; we have the exhibition
6 to examine.
Sexton
7 But which are the offenders that are to be
8 examined? let them come before master constable.
DOGBERRY
9 Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your
10 name, friend?
DOGBERRY
12 Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours, sirrah?
CONRADE
13 I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is
14 Conrade.
DOGBERRY
15 Write down, master gentleman Conrade. Masters,
16 do you serve God?
Both [CONRADE, BORACHIO]
17 Yea, sir, we hope.
DOGBERRY
18 Write down, that they hope they serve God: and
19 write God first; for God defend but God should go
20 before such villains! Masters, it is proved already
21 that you are little better than false knaves; and it
22 will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer
23 you for yourselves?
CONRADE
24 Marry, sir, we say we are none.
DOGBERRY
25 A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you: but I
26 will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah;
27 a word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought
28 you are false knaves.
BORACHIO
29 Sir, I say to you we are none.
DOGBERRY
30 Well, stand aside. 'Fore God, they are
31 both in a tale. Have you writ down, that
32 they are none?
Sexton
33 Master constable, you go not the way to
34 examine: you must call forth the watch that
35 are their accusers.
DOGBERRY
36 Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the watch
37 come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince's
38 name, accuse these men.
First Watch
39 This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince's
40 brother, was a villain.
DOGBERRY
41 Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is
42 flat perjury, to call a prince's brother villain.
BORACHIO
43 Master constable,—
DOGBERRY
44 Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look,
45 I promise thee.
Sexton
46 What heard you him say else?
Second Watch
47 Marry, that he had received a thousand
48 ducats of Don John for accusing the Lady
49 Hero wrongfully.
DOGBERRY
50 Flat burglary as ever was committed.
VERGES
51 Yea, by mass, that it is.
First Watch
53 And that Count Claudio did mean, upon
54 his words, to disgrace Hero before the
55 whole assembly. and not marry her.
DOGBERRY
56 O villain! thou wilt be condemned into
57 everlasting redemption for this.
[First and Second] Watch
59 This is all.
Sexton
60 And this is more, masters, than you can deny.
61 Prince John is this morning secretly stolen
62 away; Hero was in this manner accused, in
63 this very manner refused, and upon the grief
64 of this suddenly died. Master constable, let
65 these men be bound, and brought to Leonato's:
66 I will go before and show him their examination.
[DOGBERRY]
67 Come, let them be opinion'd.
VERGES
68 Let them be in the hands—
DOGBERRY
70 God's my life, where's the sexton? let him write
71 down the prince's officer coxcomb. Come, bind
72 them. Thou naughty varlet!
[CONRADE]
73 Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.
DOGBERRY
74 Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not
75 suspect my years? O that he were here to write me
76 down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an
77 ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not
78 that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of
79 piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness.
80 I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer,
81 and, which is more, a householder, and, which is
82 more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in
83 Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a
84 rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath
85 had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every
86 thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that
87 I had been writ down an ass!
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